11/30/07
Christmas is coming-that wonderful holiday that so seamlessly blends the birth of our Savior with the gluttonous commercialism of our consumer-driven culture.
Forget family, giving or any of that other mall-Santa crap. The best part about Christmas is the Christmas movies.
Too many people just stick to the old classics, but I would humbly suggest a few holiday films that are a little bit off the beaten path.
In no particular order, here’s my personal list of the best examples of yule-time cinema including some established favorites and a few cult-Claus classics, as well as possible refreshment suggestions for optimal viewing (for those of age, of course).
1. “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” Yeah, we might as well get this one out of the way. As we all know, in the ’70s and ’80s Chevy Chase achieved a cocaine-fueled comedic genius.
This story of a sophomoric suburbanite stumbling through a family holiday experience is hilarious.
For best results, I recommend watching this classic with your extended family, so that at various periods during the film you can tell each family member which bumbling idiot in the Griswold clan they remind you of.
Equal parts eggnog and bourbon works well too.
2. “Jingle All the Way.” Here’s a clear-cut example of actors rising above the material. Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, that brilliant actor and political mind, this is the story of one man’s attempt to obtain the perfect Christmas toy for his son.
In the course of his struggle, Schwarzenegger battles an army of midget criminal Santa Clauses, commandeers a superhero’s jet pack and battles the funky-fresh (and family-friendly) comedic stylings of Sinbad.
Also, the movie includes the smarmy wit of Phil Hartman as Schwarzenegger’s nosy neighbor in desperate need of an ass kicking. Keeping pace with the energetic Austrian will require Jager, Red Bull and a copy of the California State Constitution.
3. “Scrooged.” Forget the old school “Christmas Carol” settings of shabby industrial England. This interpretation of the Dickens classic features Bill Murray as a cynical 1980s ad exec with plenty of humbug. Luckily, the three Christmas ghosts show up to turn him around.
Murray just might be the greatest comedic actor of our time, and his performance in this film is no exception. Plus, the film also features an all-star ’80s cast including Bobcat Goldthwait and the late-great Robert Goulet as himself.
A dry martini will help you enjoy the cold corporate setting of the film.
4. “Die Hard.” I know what you’re saying, “‘Die Hard’ isn’t a Christmas movie!” Bull crap, it’s not a Christmas movie.
This is the epic adventure of New York cop John McClane traveling to a Los Angeles high-rise to visit his corporate executive, maybe-hot-in-a-big-hair-’80s-sort-of-way wife.
McClane and his wife meet at her company’s Christmas party, which is then immediately attacked by gun-toting German catalog models.
Perhaps a bit more violent than typical holiday cinema, this oft-forgotten film skillfully blends Christmas celebration and counterterrorist combat.
You’ll want a crisp American lager to cool you down during the McClane/German fight scenes and Twinkies for when the guy from “Family Matters” is on screen.
5. “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” How could anyone not enjoy this clay-mation classic? This 1964 film basically sets the standard for family holiday movies.
I recommend watching the film with younger siblings or family members since the movie teaches key life facts about social exclusion and being judged solely based on physical appearances. It’s good for the kids to learn that stuff early.
Considering the “G” rating, you might settle for some hot cocoa.
This is just a small sampling of the outstanding Christmas cinema available for your holiday viewing pleasure.
Forget “It’s A Wonderful Life” and find something a little bit different to watch during the holidays this year.
So put off the shopping, gather up your friends and loved ones, and fire up the DVD player. Merry Christmas.
