3/07/08
I used to hate writing for the Orange.
Every time I was asked to, I went through this internal struggle of knowing I would sit for hours completely unable to come up with something to write, I would become frustrated and yell unfairly at my friends, and I would feel this complete utter sense of worthlessness because what could I possibly have to say that other people would care even the remotest about. Additionally, I was totally incapable of saying no.
Like the majority of Baker students, I have been overcommitted. This happened from a variety of reasons, some of which included interest, the desire for a challenge and pride.
The No. 1 reason for my overcommitment (and subsequently a lot of stress), however, was I had a very difficult time saying no to people.
I don’t know why this was, but my best guess is I was afraid of letting anyone down. I assumed that when somebody asked something of me, whether it was a professor, parent or peer, it was because I was someone’s last hope. As a shining beacon of possibility, I was absolutely vital to whatever it was they needed.
I realize that this idea is ridiculous, and the world would have most certainly continued turning if I was unable to help out, but my mind refused to acknowledge that simple fact.
So, when a favor was requested of me, no matter how busy or stressed I was, the answer I gave was, “Yes, I would love to help you out, and while I am at it, is there anything else I can do for you?”
At first glance, this is not problematic. I tend to believe it is good to help people out, as I like it when people help me out. So what if I only slept a few hours a night or missed two or three meals a day as long as it all got done. That’s what really matters, right?
Wrong.
This past summer I interned with my church youth group and had a pretty extensive conversation with one of the pastors there. I talked up until the, “That’s what really matters, right?”
He supplied the “wrong.”
After a lot rationalizing and telling him it feels good to help people out, and why shouldn’t I try to do everything I want? I mean – I do a good job with it all.
And was he really trying to tell me I was going to have to try and choose between hall staff and radio, or Frisbee and cheerleading or volunteering with my youth group and FCA?
“I can handle it,” I told him.
Then he asked me a question that has completely reshaped my outlook on saying yes. He looked at me, and in the most straightforward way only pastors and counselors are capable of, he asked, “And why don’t you love them enough to say no?”
He pointed out to me that I say yes so often because I don’t want to let anyone down, but in doing so, I spread myself too thin. Instead of giving 100 percent to a few things, I give about 60 percent to many things, which leaves me offering less than quality results.
What Darren suggested was if I really loved these people I was trying to help, I would admit to myself I am not capable of doing everything and let them find someone to help that can offer more than me.
It’s been rough, but in my eighth and final semester at Baker University, I have been practicing saying no when I need to.
Sometimes it’s hard because I really do want to help, but I know I won’t be able to give my all. And now, I am really starting to enjoy some of my free time.
I can even write for the Orange again.