As my December graduation date looms overhead, I find myself entering a state of limbo. I spend my evenings deciding whether it is more important to focus on the now and finish my 75-page Business Policy paper that may be the reason I don’t graduate (pray for me), or look toward the future by applying for jobs back home.

My life is now a constant struggle of trying to squeeze more than 24 hours out of the day: mailing graduation invitations (if I can pass Business Policy), packing up my house, applying for jobs, scheduling interviews, finishing papers, making presentations, chewing off my nails and trying not to cry with the worry that may live in my mom’s basement forever.

Then, after I (hopefully) find a job, six months later Sallie Mae’s clutches will close in and I’ll spend my days dreaming of better days when Ramen Noodles aren’t a staple and I can own a car with fewer than 255,000 miles on it. Better yet, maybe I’ll be able to start saving for retirement. That’s something a graduate should be thinking about, right?

Every morning I sit at my dining room table with my cup of coffee before heading off to work, and I think to myself that Dec. 13, my graduation date, is just a cruel joke that Baker is playing on me since I’m actually just 12 years old and not old enough to graduate.

In reality, although graduation is slightly terrifying, it’s also a little bit exciting, and not just because it means I passed Business Policy. This is my shot. Although for me, and all the other graduating seniors, the rest of my life may be dependent on what job I can get (or if I can get one that doesn’t involve a Happy Meal), it’s exhilarating to know that finally, after 21+ years, it’s up to me to design my own life.

Maybe I want to move to Wisconsin or become a traveling aerialist. Although for the record, neither of those sound appealing. It’s possible that I could move to Kansas City, Missouri, and work in corporate, while spending all my evenings at the “K.” Or I may want to move back to Lindsborg, become an entrepreneur and spend my evenings in the gym and on the back of my horse. That’s OK, too.