Engaged by 19, married and in a house at 22 and making babies by 24. That used to be my plan, from high school through my first year at Baker.
It’s amazing how much things change. I am now 22, not engaged, not in any kind of financial condition to be buying a house and taking responsibility of my own life is enough on my plate right now, so the thought of being responsible for a child is … overwhelming to say the least.
But women do this. We map out our lives starting in elementary school. We played games like MASH.
We sang “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage,” while jumping rope. We begin conjuring wedding plans before we even experience first love.
But sometimes, despite all our long-labored scheduling of life events, it just doesn’t work out according to plan.
And sometimes, that is difficult to accept.
Sometimes, we try to force it to work. Like a child hammering a puzzle piece in the wrong spot, trying desperately to make it fit, we fight life.
I don’t know whether or not I believe in love at first sight, but I do know that marriage is not something to rush into.
When perusing Facebook, it seems that everybody is getting engaged, married and having children (not always in that order).
It is not uncommon for Facebook to alert me of an engagement of an old friend whom I didn’t even realize was seeing anyone.
The most recent one got engaged after meeting her now fiance a mere two months ago. Two months.
Maybe it’s true love, and I hope they live happily ever after. I really do.
But I can’t help but wonder if maybe she felt pressure from her internal agenda (and/or maybe her mom’s agenda) to get life’s show on the road.
Like the puzzle piece the child struggles to force-fit, life-altering decisions don’t always transpire where we want them.
Rushing to get hitched, deepening our debt to get the first home, the new car and bringing offspring into the entire entangled situation do not lead to happily ever after.
Sometimes, accidents happen and ready or not parenthood lurks in the corner. Oops.
Everyone I know who has experienced a surprise pregnancy has expelled nothing but optimism and bliss.
Accidents can turn out to be blessings, but sometimes it seems that couples try to stretch their luck.
The rhyme does say, after all, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”
While I commend couples for working at their relationship for the sake of their child, I don’t think jumping into marriage is necessarily the logical first step.
Trying to keep the rules of this rhyme doesn’t guarantee happiness.
First comes the baby, then comes marriage, then love will undoubtedly follow, right?
Maybe, but maybe not.
I’m not a relationship counselor by any means. I am not qualified to give out relationship advice. I just don’t see why everyone seems to be in such a rush for everything.
I really believe that if everyone slowed down, omitted the schedule ingrained in their head since childhood and let life take its course on Life’s schedule, there would be less divorce and less personal financial woes.
It's time to end society's judgmental stopwatch.<br/>&#160;