One month ago I told my friend Sam Dester he should quit looking at polls and political blogs every day because it was a waste of his time.

The Democrats were looking to win a few seats here and there, but not enough to gain a majority in both houses

Even if they got one house, they would barely be in control, so not much would be possible.

Since then, Sam and I, along with many other politically active friends, have been discussing this new turn of events.

Foleygate.

It’s not really just this “Mark Foley loves little boys” thing that has the Republicans in hot water; it’s the fact that after that event, the entire country went “Sh**!”

It’s because of these recent events I think everyone should vote.

You see, I understand this election is special.

Unlike past years, a low turnout is probably good for the Dems – all the evangelicals might be staying home because they can’t vote for the Dems since they like gay rights, but can’t vote for the GOP either because it enjoys having its right of way with little boys and/or hiding it and putting Mark Foley on the taskforce to halt child predators on the Internet.

I love irony.

Even though I know this, I still want everyone to vote.

I mean I hate my rights being violated day in and day out without my knowing.

I hate my e-mails, phone calls and loud noises I make being recorded for “intelligence” – something that was so good previously that we were able to clearly see the WMDs in Iraq.

I’m not a fan of the appropriately named Patriot Act or the highly successful No Child Left Behind Act.

I hate the Iraq War and those who claim we’re there because of the War On Terror – can’t you idiots see we created Iraq’s terrorists?

In fact, I don’t think I have agreed with much the Republicans have done since 1994 except for the Starr Report (a great bedtime read).

But voting is not only our right; it’s our civic duty.

Idiots are allowed to vote (I checked and yes, in fact, Ralph Reed and Tom DeLay, for now, can vote).

Honestly though, what good did the Democrats do when they were in charge? A budget surplus? World respect? Domestic policy that actually made a presidential approval rating higher than the one Bill Clinton got when he didn’t inhale?

Thank God an intern with a bad taste in fashion (seriously, do you remember the beret?) got on her knees for her country to start getting people’s minds in check.

Moral values matter more than economic principles, and that’s just that folks.

The GOP is the only party that can save our country from eternal damnation and spitting hellfire.

Democrats are only godless sodomites, and if we aren’t electing Christians into office, then essentially we are legislating sin.

It’s just a question of whether you want your children growing up with an education system in which they are allowed to grow and prosper with the classroom materials and healthy conditions needed for letting those homos get married and having our flag burned like a tightly rolled delicious Cuban cigar.

So vote.

Please. I beg of you to use the skills taught to us in LA 101 and 102 and vote based upon the empirical evidence and past practices of both parties.

You can either have your rights violated time and time again and be sent to war to protect democracy abroad (I think that’s the new reason at least), or you can vote for the party that has shown growth to this country time and time again while protecting our freedoms and liberties, not limiting them.

I know you’ll do the right thing and vote the way we need.

Either that or I, along with everyone else, have confused you or made you so apathetic to the whole situation you’ll stay home and watch reruns of “Flavor of Love” so those of us with logic and reasoning can save this poor, poor nation.