Screw the game plan.
We’re 1-6 and I’m starting to realize that all the preparation in the world would not allow the Chiefs to beat the Bucs this weekend. So here’s what I propose: We take the players’ minds off football and throw the Chiefs’ a Halloween party. This is what I have in mind:
Since it’s a naturally scary holiday, we’ll hold the party at Arrowhead because it used to frighten opponents. A more appropriate, fear-producing location would be inside general manager Carl Peterson’s brain, but there hasn’t been any activity there in several years, and I worry it might be too frightening for the players’ children.
The party will begin at noon and end at 3 p.m. This is the perfect time because players are used to relaxing and being anti-productive during these hours. We’ll just ask them to treat it like any normal Sunday.
The members of the defensive line will serve as doormen for the party, naturally, given their aptitude for letting people through.
Since we traded Jared Allen, suspended running back Larry Johnson will take over bartending duties. Just be sure your costume has something blocking your face, he’s prone to spitting.
This brings me to the costumes. I’m riding on the assumption that because the Chiefs show no creativity on the field, they will probably struggle to think of good costume ideas. So I came up with some for them.
Glenn Dorsey: I’m thinking some brown sandals, a long, brown wig, flowing white robe and a Bible. Coming into this season he was pegged as the Chiefs savior on defense, so let’s make it official. Glenn will dress as Jesus Christ.
Brodie Croyle: A ghost, for two reasons. 1. He’s been invisible this year. 2. His career is dead.
Donnie Edwards: Javier Bardem. Why? Because the NFL is "No Country for Old Men."<br/>Turk McBride: American Idol winnerTurk McBride: American Idol winner
Turk McBride: American Idol winner
Justin Guarini, because his recording label and the Kansas City Chiefs ask themselves the same question: Why the hell did we sign this guy?
Tyler Thigpen: A grave stone. More specifically – the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Has anyone figured out who this guy is yet? Because I sure haven’t.
Herm Edwards: A pilot, because it doesn’t take a genius to know he wishes he had never left the Jets.
And finally, the party coordinator himself…<br/>Carl Peterson: the devil. Carl Peterson: the devil. <br/>Did you really think I'd say anything else?Did you really think I'd say anything else?
Carl Peterson: the devil.
Did you really think I’d say anything else?
