Yippee, first column back after break. How exciting.

However, the realization I have very little to write about is daunting.

But I do have something new I can rant about for a while.

Should be enough fodder for a column, maybe even two.<br/>"Twilight.""Twilight."<br/>The so-called "saga."The so-called "saga."<br/>It's terrible.It's terrible.<br/>Yes, I said it. Yes, I said it. <br/>I, in my testosterone-filled glory, have read the first two books of the "saga" (and believe me, the quotation marks are used in the most sarcastic and facetious way possible) and have judged them, in my opinion… lacking. To say the least.I, in my testosterone-filled glory, have read the first two books of the "saga" (and believe me, the quotation marks are used in the most sarcastic and facetious way possible) and have judged them, in my opinion… lacking. To say the least.
“Twilight.”
The so-called “saga.”
It’s terrible.
Yes, I said it.
I, in my testosterone-filled glory, have read the first two books of the “saga” (and believe me, the quotation marks are used in the most sarcastic and facetious way possible) and have judged them, in my opinion… lacking. To say the least.

I realize I am not the target audience.

I have a Y chromosome.

I’m not a teenager.

However, I find several things about the "saga" to be not only ridiculous but downright silly. <br/>If I was a teenage girl in love with The Jonas Brothers, then perhaps I too would be a fan of the series that has taken one of the most dark and evil creatures of the fantasy genre and turned it into Adonis-esque golden disco balls. If I was a teenage girl in love with The Jonas Brothers, then perhaps I too would be a fan of the series that has taken one of the most dark and evil creatures of the fantasy genre and turned it into Adonis-esque golden disco balls. 
If I was a teenage girl in love with The Jonas Brothers, then perhaps I too would be a fan of the series that has taken one of the most dark and evil creatures of the fantasy genre and turned it into Adonis-esque golden disco balls. 

Because that’s what Stephanie Meyer has done.

In my opinion, one that has developed after years of avidly reading fantasy books of every kind, Meyer has taken the lore of vampires and perverted it to her own “romantic” ends.

I have read many books I have not enjoyed, but as I’ve told those close to me, putting hand sanitizer in my eyes is preferable to reading these books.

It’s less painful.

I’ve actually caught myself skipping entire pages in order to get it over with, but then I have to go back and read those skipped pages.

You see, to me, it’s almost blasphemous to take a lore that has so much history and to basically discard it and replace it with something that borders upon insanity.

I think my second-grade story “Mustard Man versus Mayonnaise Woman” has just as much, if not more, literary merit than her work.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh. I know it’s a really good read for those it’s aimed at, but for me, it’s just not good.

Oh, they made a movie out of it.

Thank goodness they are milking this for all it’s worth.

Maybe next time I’ll just watch the trailers and save myself the time of reading the book or watching the movie. 

By the way, for those of you who agree with me, I recommend going to cracked.com and looking for the article “If ‘Twilight’ Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest.” It’s really quite spot on, I think. 

To those of you who don’t agree with me and think the “saga” is good, well, you’re welcome to that opinion, but I think I’ll refrain from buying the books and seeing the movies and put that money to use paying a giant corporation so I can play a cartoon character in an imaginary world filled with all sorts of evil Alliance scum.