This article was originally published prior to June 2, 2013.  Due to a change in content management systems, the initial publication date is not available.

Summer vacation is probably the last hopeful thought any of you students out there have left – I’m here to crush it. Whether you’re staying in Baldwin City, or heading back to your ancestral home, there are plenty of unforeseen challenges waiting for you all this summer. I’m here to give you a heads up.

For all you freshmen newbies out there, you’re in for a real treat: going home to live with your parents again. You think you’ve grown light-years since high school; they still remember the kid who once got in trouble for stealing yard gnomes. In order to establish some kind of freedom, do all you can to establish dominance when you first get home. I suggest calling your parents by their first names, piling all your laundry into your mom’s hamper, taking your dad’s car out for a spin right before he has to go to work and giving their liquor cabinet the old college try. Trust me, if you don’t distinguish yourself quickly, you’ll be back to doing dishes and mowing the yard in no time.

Oh, some of you might also have to deal with younger siblings. Remember, little brothers and sisters are like pack animals — all they understand is force.

Now, some of you hotshots out there might think you’ll be real cool and stay at Baker during the summer and knock out some easy summer credits. Nice plan, jackass. Staying here means more rent and tuition, not to mention food. Plus summer session classes squeeze entire semesters into a few weeks. If you’re anything like me, I’m so fried by the time summer rolls around I forget how to read.

To pay for all this you’ll have to get a job, and if you can’t find one in Baldwin you’ll have to drive to Lawrence or Kansas City every day. Considering what gas prices are going to be this summer, you’d be better off to start a lemonade stand.

If you think a year of college under you belt will help you get a job, think again. In our current super-duper economy former execs are lucky to get jobs frying waffles.

Still, you might just snag yourself a low-paying job in the exciting world of either the custodial or food service industries. If you are ever asked do anything you consider to be beneath you, the best thing to do is laugh and say to your manager, “No, dude, I go to Baker.” This works especially well on the first day.

Also, never miss an opportunity to remind those around you that your major in art history gives you an insight into stocking shelves that others can’t possibly understand. If your job deals in customer service, consider a reverse-psychology approach. I mean, no customer wants an associate who’s TOO helpful. They can find the damn detergent aisle themselves.

Yeah, I hope all you guys are still as excited by summer vacation as I am. The term summer “vacation” is duplicitous. You’re in college. Vacations are something you won’t be able to afford until your mid-thirties. It might have been different in younger days, but for hard-working college students, the only thing that improves during the summer is the weather (100 degree heat and 90 percent humidity).

I’ve got one last hint. If at all possible, do your best to forget everything you’ve learned the semester before — it will help you clear up space for the fall.