Happy holidays, Douglas County.

I know Christmas is still more than two months away, but your second favorite holiday – perhaps first if you find presents, charity and general cheer overrated – is upon us: Late Night at the Phog.

That’s right, Jayhawks fans, Friday marks the annual Late Night event at Allen Fieldhouse, where 16,300 screaming Hawk-backers cram in to watch the University of Kansas basketball team scrimmage itself. More importantly, it’s where head coach Bill Self gathers all the top blue-chip recruits in the country to demonstrate how gearing up in crimson and blue elevates wide-eyed 18-year-olds to iconic beings to which the rules of mere mortals don’t apply.

Jayhawk nation loves Late Night more than Kanye loves himself. Rampant optimism fills the bleachers as the first alley-oop from Sherron Collins to Mario Little elicits talk about going undefeated and grabbing the national title trophy back from Benedict Roy Williams.

Logic is preferred, but certainly not mandatory.

If you want to say Bill Self is the next John Wooden and Travis Releford “kind of reminds you of Kevin Durant,” go ahead, tonight insanity is easily forgiven.

Overall Late Night is passionate, thrilling and everything college basketball should be.

And I despise it.

Living in the 785, I realize this is equivalent to hating puppies, girl scouts and maternal figures named Teresa, but I can’t help it. I was born a Mizzou Tiger.

So, while the 2008 National Championship video that plays before every KU home game (and at Late Night) brings goosebumps to 95 percent of my friends, to me, it only brings nausea.

So it is with a great deal of cynicism that I present to you the things I prayed for all week concerning Late Night at the Phog.

1. The public address announcer introduces No. 1 recruit Xavier Henry and pronounces the ‘r’ at the end of his first name (It’s X-ah-vee-yay). Furious by the lack of respect, Henry transfers to the University of Kentucky.

2. Cole Aldrich slam dunks KU quarterback Todd Reesing (he’s just a wittle guy) through the hoop during warm-ups. Subsequently Reesing injures his throwing arm and is unable to play against Mizzou Nov. 28 at Arrowhead Stadium.

3. To continue the norms established a few weeks ago, members of the football team UFC fight the Morris twins at center court for all in attendance and the ESPNU cameras to see.

4. The big screen loses power right before Mario Chalmers 3-pointer falls in the highlight video.

5. And finally, I overcome this unnecessary bitterness toward the best team in the country – a team I will predict will win its sixth national championship in 2010. <br/>