Aaaaaah, summer. When movies completely lose all purpose or any pretense of having a point. When movies have no message, just explosions. Don’t get me wrong, I love an Oscar-bait tearjerker as much as the next girl, but there’s something about attractive men in spandex that gets my heart beating faster. With that in mind, here’s my top five (plus one) movies to see this summer.
The Da Vinci Code
May 19
This was a runaway hit as a novel and with star Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard it looks like a sure bet as a movie too. This thriller about a secret message embedded in the paintings of Leonardo Da Vinci comes across as potentially too intellectual for the average summer movie goer. However, the albino monk villain puts it right back into the ridiculous realm in which I want my summer movies. Also starring Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen and Alfred Molina.
X-Men: The Last Stand
May 26
This is the movie where the earlier comment about spandex comes in. Hugh Jackman is excellent as an actor and incredibly easy on the eyes. Adding to the appeal of this film is the high quality writing in the first two installments of the trilogy. This installment of the mutant saga suggests a turning point for Professor Xavier and his school for “special” students. Scientists have developed a cure for mutants, but the villain Magneto just tries to blow more things up in response. Rumored to be the final X-Men movie, this installment will hopefully wrap up the loose ends from the first two. Also starring Halle Berry in an awful wig, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen and Anna Paquin. Directed by Brett Ratner.
The Break-up
June 2
That’s right, Vaughniston’s answer to Mr. and Mrs. Smith is finally ready for release. Former-Friend Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn star as a couple who break up but must continue living together. Presumably big yuks ensue. It is usually a bad sign when the ending of movie is reshot after test screenings, which apparently happened on this film. However, I will follow Vaughn anywhere, so I’m still going to line up for this one. Also starring Jon Favreau, Ann-Margaret and Joey Lauren Adams. Directed by Peyton Reed.
Pirates of the Caribbean:
Dead Man’s Chest
July 2
I love Johnny Depp, but a Disney film is the last place I would expect to see him, let alone enjoy him. That’s why I was so shocked to love the first Pirates movie as much as I did. I have been anticipating further adventures of the ambiguously-gay Jack Sparrow since the credits started rolling on the first. In this one, Sparrow owes a blood debt to Davy Jones and must try to get out of it without turning into some sort of disintegrating sea monster. Arrr….. Also starring Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley and Bill Nighy. Directed by Gore Verbinski.
Clerks II
August 18
Who wouldn’t want to see this movie? Clerks was one of the great slacker films of the ’90s and a sequel promises to be a welcome return to form for director/writer Kevin Smith. In this sequel, Dante and Randall move from their hellish existence as convenience store clerks to an equally hellish existence as fast food joint cashiers in their 30s. Fan favorites Jay and Silent Bob also appear. Starring Brian Christopher O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson and Jason Mewes with a cameo appearance by Ben Affleck.
Lady in the Water
July 21
I called this film my plus one on the list because I’m unsure if I truly want to see it. I was surprised by the twist at the end of “The Sixth Sense” and tolerated “Unbreakable” and “Signs” (even though the ending sucked). That said I could barely sit through “The Village.” It seems to me M. Night Shyamalan’s films have gotten more predictable and less enjoyable as they have progressed. That said, I am still optimistic this film about an apartment manager who finds a beautiful woman in his swimming pool. Starring Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jeffrey Wright, Bob Balaban and Freddy Rodriguez.